Moving On From Emotional or Physical Pain into Joy
We need to decide if we want to exist, survive or thrive.
Imagine: It’s Monday morning. The week is ahead of us. Life is ahead of us. What do we choose a) pain, b) survival or c) thriving?
What do you want from life?
It’s a simple question but each of us will give a different answer. We are all different. One size doesn’t necessarily fit all.
But life’s not random either. There are patterns to how our bodies and our minds work, and how we behave. Understanding those patterns enables us to create the life we want.
The cream tea approach to making life better
Let me explain. Generally a cream tea involves a scone, jam and cream, there’s the pattern; a flexible pattern. Some people prefer to put the jam on first, others put the cream on first. Sometimes we prefer a plain scone, others, a fruit scone. Then there are those who like butter too. No one method will be right for everyone, all the time.
The same goes for making our lives better.
- For some people a few sessions will be fine, others will want longer.
- Some people will be able to get the change they want from working from at the conscious level (training and coaching), others will need to do subconscious work (therapy and hypnosis).
- Improvement is often achieved with light subconscious work, sometimes we need to go deeper into more emotional change.
Am I broken?
Some psychotherapists believe that when we’re not thriving we need fixing. I don’t. I think we need to keep on learning.
When we’re born, usually, our brains maintain our breathing and blood-flow, our digestive system and our senses. Our learning starts from that moment onwards. We learn how to get food and warmth, coordinated movement, language, making friends, where to go to the loo. We keep learning all the way through school and every day of our lives. All of these lessons are stored in our minds and influence the way we are today.
How much is genetic?
Research shows that our environment has 10% influence on our lives (my lungs are fairly healthy because I grew up in the UK where the air quality is fairly good). Our genetics have 10% influence (I have blue eyes). The other 80% of our lives is determined by our psychology, the way we learned to be (I speak English and I learnt to overcome depression and anxiety).
Creating a more helpful psychology for ourselves is an individual process that follows some fairly predictable patterns. We can choose the pattern that’s best for you. Sometimes
- the past provides the context that helps us make the change.
- recognising and understanding today’s unhelpful beliefs helps us to make the change.
- we need to be supported as we learn, through experience, that we can handle painful emotions and grow stronger as a result.
We can all learn to have the confidence that we’ll be able to thrive even in a difficult situation.
Thriving focuses on the present, the solution, and the future moving forward all the time; celebrates what is right and going well; emphasizes what we want, need and desire; builds resilience, empowerment and well-being. Identifies strengths, and builds empowering beliefs. Enables human understanding, personal influence and ability to achieve.
Whatever you start from, thriving is possible.
Contact Tania for Hypnotherapy, Psychotherapy and the most popular, The Thrive Programme psychological training.
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